fireflys_locket: (Naoto Bed - sharp_pastels)
The big stressful event is over! But am I feeling relieved? Not exactly. I sot of feel about as sick as before, just more on the depressed side than the anxious one. All the excitement and motivation I was feeling about writing has been drained from me, and not having the big stressful event to plan for and worry about leaves me wondering.... what am I supposed to be doing?

I'll reveal that part of the problem is that the big stressful event had to do with people talking about me and my issues. And honestly, after hearing and talking about all of my limitations almost exclusively for the past week, I feel pretty pathetic. In general, I'm pretty okay with myself as I am (other than in a couple of ways), but dwelling on how I'll never be able to be "normal" isn't fun. It just isn't.

Not that I really want to be "normal".

Anyhow, I hope I'll be able to shake this in a few days. I want to be free of it. I want to write. I want to want to write. :/ I think I need to email L.K. again. She's been my inspiration lately, and every time I see or hear from her, I get excited about writing. Oh, but I don't want to depress her. *Sighs*

I do have Mandy, the dog I petsit sometimes, here. She's actually been around during a lot of the most stressful parts of this year. I still don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been here the night my Mommy and Joe took Grandma to the hospital. She's like my therapy dog. I take care of her, and she takes care of me. She's kept me from what I most want to do right now: curl up in bed and not get back out.
fireflys_locket: (Lovely Reflection - amethystia)

I read a lot of inspiring words on Care 2. They talking about lots of important things, like animal rights, being vegetarian (or vegan), gay rights, and just being true to yourself. (There are a few things that they tend to support, which I disagree with. Particularly abortion-related articles, as I'm very Pro-Life. But usually, I find lots of support and love from their articles.)

Today, I was catching up on the newsletters and found this post, asking people to write a list of their needs and desires. A lot of times, I read articles and appreciate them, but I don't go out and make a list or whatever. This time, I guess I felt that I wanted to. So, here's my list of deepest desires and needs, sort of in a logical order. Probably not surprising in the least.

Find my soulmate, Morgan.
Get engaged.
Become healthier.
Finish Dreaming in Shadow.
Type/edit DiS.
Find a reliable artist that meets my needs.
Self-publish DiS.
Figure out how to market books.
Find my own home (with Morgan).
Get married.
Have a home full of pets and love.
Have a lovely garden.
Meet Audry in person.
Meet Vivi in person.
Be able to spend more time with friends in general.
Finish Miss Masquerade.
Help Morgan with his dreams.
Actually make some money from writing!
Eventually make enough money to really help support us.
Make enough money to donate regularly.
Finally finish Spun of Silver with Mal.
Continue writing and publishing for the rest of my life.
Move people with my writing, and gain some dedicated fans.
Meet Jo Rowling to thank her.
Happily grow old with Morgan.

So, that is my list that I worked on for about 20 minutes. I'm sure there are more things I would love to have in my life, but these are my base desires. At least the ones I feel I can directly influence. So, write your own list if you want! It certainly made me feel good (for now).

fireflys_locket: (Clare Cute - clarebear7)
I've been so busy this week, and for the first time in awhile, it had nothing to do with my Grandma's house. Such a relief. I did stop by there with Jan and Paul once to feed Grandma's stray cats. We saw four kittens! It was the fist time I can remember seeing such small ones all year. Jan and I also picked some sweet peas. It was nice. I know I'm going to miss the house a lot when I can't go anymore.

So, this week's busy was mostly to do with writing. I started last weekend off by working on Miss Masquerade while playing with Sapphira's family on The Sims 2. It's such a fun way to write. I started to think about some of the characters that don't have last names, since I couldn't make them as sims unless I gave them some sort of last name. So, with the help of my Mom doing some research on Italian surnames, I found a last name for Sylas. I wrote it on the notebook I keep on my desk and glanced at it over the week. Everytime I did, I still really liked it. I'll probably make him (and his brother) soon.

Tuesday, while I was doing laundry, I was thinking about book names for my Magic Inc. series. I only had titles for the first 3 books. I was also thinking about my old Harry Potter series, which had many of the same themes. (It was probably because I've been reading a HP fanfic over this month. A great read, by the way.) I thought about the parallels between the world I was making up just in my head and the fanfiction I was writing out. I realized that with a little work, I could use some of the old titles. Now, I have great titles for the first 6 books and tentative ideas for the following 2. Putting those titles into place on my timeline made me end up spending a good hour or so getting some other stories lined up. Now, I have 15 of the busiest years in place.

I also finished the Miss Masquerade chapter that I hadn't quite finished. And I was super nervous about that part. Sapphira has a dream, whose effects I had planned for ages, but I hadn't figured out what exactly was going to happen. I was almost sick about it until Thursday, when I showed Jill. She loved it. I kept asking her for opinions, since she studies dreams, but she had a hard time not just saying how much she liked it. Hehe. I still think it needs a little work - it feels quite raw, like most parts of Spun of Silver - but I do feel better about it now. Or maybe it's supposed to feel raw, considering Sapphira's reaction to it? Hmm.

Yesterday, I spent the day with my Mom, then we picked up Joe around 6PM to go see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. Believe it or not, it was only my third time. Yeah. That's insane for me. Just goes to show how busy it's been with my Grandma's house. *Sighs* Anyways, I enjoyed it so much... cried lots... but I also started getting ideas for an upcoming Miss Masquerade chapter. It's a blessing and a curse. The better - or more inspirational - the movie, the more likely I am to start feeling like I need to write or think about my own stories at some point. That's why I enjoy watching movies at home by myself best. I can pause whenever I want to for a 10 (or more) minute break. It happens all the time.

Today, I wrote about 5 pages of Dreaming in Shadow, finishing up a chapter I've been working on for a few weeks. The first half was action-oriented, which is not my favorite or best type of writing, but the second half was full of emotion. I had such a great feeling while writing, and I found some great songs to fit with it. One is a song from the newest season of Degrassi. Fits so well. Goodness, I love Degrassi music. <3

I've been totally in love with Degrassi, of course. I'm trying to not overwatch this season, though. I watched the Boiling Point episodes so many times that I'm kind of sick of them. I don't want that to happen again. I still love interactions between Clare and Eli, though I'm not sure they should get back together. I like Imogen in a character appreciation-type way. I'm not so crazy about Jake. He's sweet sometimes, but I can't see him being a long-term match for Clare. I wish there was more Adam, though I know they need to deal with older characters storylines right now. Speaking of that, I just knew they didn't bring in a pretty young teacher without plans for a student/teacher relationship. I like it so far, though I miss Sav/Anya still.
fireflys_locket: (Yuna Close Tilt - homette)

I've got Mandy, Joe's friend's dog, here again. Ah, it's so nice to be home alone without actually being alone. And she's just the sweetest dog. I love her so much. Hehe. I've been lucky enough to have two great doggies here this year. I just wish Joe would let me have one of my own.

Taking Mandy out has become a bit of an adventure this time. ^_^; I don't usually go out in the snow for more than 2 minutes. Our walks are much, much shorter than they used to be. My Mom got me an awesome pair of gloves, which helps. But I still go out in shorts and a tank top under my coat. I know, I'm weird. I don't ever wear long sleeves or long pants. I just don't. I get overheated too easily.

Meanwhile, Christmas approaches. I have mixed feelings about Christmas. :/ I actually have the money to get some nice gifts for people this year, which is great! But Christmas, in general, just depresses me. *Sighs* I'm hoping once my Aunt Jan is living around here, she'll find a way to cheer up the holidays, since she loves them so much. So, maybe, this will be the last depressing Christmas? Hard to say.

I don't know if I'm going to do cards this year or not. I bought some. I guess I should really decide, huh?

I've really had to push myself for writing lately. Winter's just a bad time for my writing, it seems. Maybe it's the depressive weight of Christmas? My ideas have still been building well, though. The writing part just isn't coming as easily.

I will say that the Harry Potter fic I'd been reading helped a lot for last week's writing. I finally got the first chapter of my J.T./Liberty fic written, though it still needs some work... and a title. :/ I don't usually write until I have a title. I just got possessed to write it when I did. This week, I'd like to get a chapter of Miss Masquerade done. We'll see how that goes. Some Spun of Silver would be good, too. But that's a lot to ask for out of one wintry week.

fireflys_locket: (Lovely Reflection - amethystia)
What a lovely book. I watched the movie some time ago, but I honestly couldn't remember the end, so I was fearful. The book really drew me in with all its intricate details. However, after the war, I felt the book was dragging a bit until it finally came to its wonderful end. I'm not sure why I found that part not so interesting. I guess I was just getting a bit fatigued by following such a long span of time? Well, either way, it was a very fascinating book, overall. I'm glad I finally got the chance to read it.

Meanwhile, Joe's friend left his dog with us for the weekend. Mandy is about the sweetest, most good-natured dog I've ever met. It is a bit difficult taking her out first thing when I get up, because I hate doing anything major before washing my hair, but it's been mostly fun.

I wish I could have a pet to keep. It's been more than 3 years since Cha-Chi died. :( It gets so lonely here when everyone goes to work. But today, I've spent time watching Mandy snooze on her bed, while I read and watched TV. I'm going to miss the company when she leaves tonight.
fireflys_locket: (Valerie - amillionicons)

Today, I went out to two different farms and saw some alpacas and miniature horses. It was a great little adventure. The alpaca farm was so warm and friendly. It seemed like the whole family was greeting us happily. They had a nice gift shop, and I spent way too much money there. Haha. I don't really regret it, though. Everyone was so welcoming that I was glad to give some support. The little alpaca toys were just so cute. I videoed a mini puppet show for Ethan when I got home. I hope he likes it.

The farm with the miniature horses was a lot busier, but it was nice, too. There was a table with some Amish goods and a miniature horse pulled cart for kids. I wished that Ethan could have been here for it! It was getting kind of windy and lots of the horses were too far off to pet, so we didn't stay as long there.

I was tired all day for some reason. I had to drag myself out of bed this morning. I'm really glad I did, but when I got back I crawled into bed and watched some Project Runway from Netflix for a couple of hours. It's a good lazy show to watch. I felt a little more awake, afterwards.

Last night, I finally started work on the last chapter for Three Days. I only got a page done, but it was flowing pretty well. I'm relieved; hopefully, this is a good sign. I also reached a Dreaming in Shadow milestone: page 75! I should throw a party for 100. Haha.

I'm also continuing to work on my Favorite Fanworks List. Unfortunately, it seems like so many of my favorites just aren't available online anymore. So disappointing. :(
fireflys_locket: (Soul is Burning - _lisichka_)

I have so much to do today. I need to do laundry and vacuum and such. And Joe's home. ~_~; So I'll have to deal with him and his cleaning while I try to do mine.

But the reason for all this is a good one: Emily is coming to stay for two nights starting tomorrow. ^_^ And she's bringing her puppy! <3 

I'm hoping it will be a great time, especially because I don't know when I'll get to see her again. Emily is good at jumping around to different things, always finding something fun to do. That's good for me... who can never decide what to do. And I welcome such a distraction right now, as I slowly adjust to more medicine.

There will probably be an abundance of Sims, Degrassi, and Super Smash Bros. Brawl over the next few days. And I have no problem with that! I just need to get all my work done first. :/

fireflys_locket: (Innocent Kitty - fireflys_locket)
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I'd never heard of this... movement? I'm not sure I'd say it's of extreme importance. After all, there are people (and animals) dying everyday due to lots of more important concerns. However, that is not to say I don't like the idea. I think "guardian" has a nice ring to it. And, indeed, an animal is not just a possesion that you "own". *Shrugs* An interesting idea, anyways.
fireflys_locket: (Kikyo Water Shine - fireflys_locket)
More animal greatness. And a few pictures with me in it... ~_~; Which are terrible. Ugh.

This way please... )
fireflys_locket: (Dare to Wish (Inu/Kag) - fireflys_locket)
I've been delaying posting these pictures forever. And I've been dreaming about Tigers and other zoo animals attacking me. Haha. They want their pictures up! Okay, guys! I get it. 


fireflys_locket: (Default)

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