Music Meme

Jan. 21st, 2017 03:43 pm
fireflys_locket: (Valerie - amillionicons)
Rules: you can tell a lot about a person from the music they listen to. Put your music on shuffle and list the first ten songs, then tag 10 people. Take it if you want to!

1. Poe - Hello

2. S Club 7 - Dangerous

3. Sherwood - Gentleman of Promise

4. Erutan - Come Little Children

5. Nobuo Uematsu - Compression of Time

6. Hilary Duff - I Am

7. Linkin Park - Shadow of the Day

8. Adele - Make You Feel My Love

9. Buffy the Vampire Slayer Cast - Walk Through the Fire

10. t.A.T.u. - Show Me Love
fireflys_locket: (Lovely Reflection - amethystia)
I was watching Marie Forleo's latest video, and my responses to her questions were getting so long that I decided to turn this into a journal entry. It's been too long, I know. This is only my seventh entry for the whole year. And one was just an excerpt from Magic Inc. But hey, here I am, ready to share more honest, personal thoughts. I suggest you watch the video to understand the questions more in depth, and maybe, make your own list because this felt really cathartic to me. But that's up to you!

1. What’s one thing you did that you’re proud of?
I participated in my first author event/signing. Which was incredibly scary and required a lot of emotional preparation. But I think, considering how hard it is for me to do anything social, I coped well with it. And it was because it was something I really wanted to do, instead of something I felt pressured to do. Plus, I got everything ready ahead of time, which helped calm my anxieties a lot. That could be part of what I learned this year, as well. That giving myself enough time to prepare can really help my anxiety. It won't make it go away, but it does help. I've also put a lot of effort into my second book, and I feel like my writing has improved and I've figured out better ways of working that suit me and my process. It can be hard not to look ahead and see over half a book left to write, but what I have written is some of my best work to date. And it is because I am taking my time with it.

2. What’s one mistake you made and the lesson you learned?
My mistakes are mostly personal, but I think, as always, I struggle too much with worry about what other people will think. I know myself and what I want, and I don't let anyone change that. I don't hide my true self, and I don't fake anything. But I still get triggered way too often by stuff I read on Facebook and the like that I feel is making a judgment on who I am (which sometimes is true, but is often just my perception). I also still judge myself based on other people's accomplishments far more than I ever spend celebrating my own. But I've never been good at celebrating myself, so I'm not sure how to change that.

3. What’s one thing you’re willing to let go of before the New Year?
I have lots of projects I still feel will find their way in the right timing, so I don't want to let go of them completely. I have been doing a lot of physical clearing in my life, though. Going through old clothes, jewelry, magazines, and various papers I no longer need. As well as making a habit of donating books, DVDs, and CDs I don't see myself revisiting. I'm a collector, so I like having a lot of stuff, but it's still important to check with yourself - will I use this again and/or does it have deep meaning to me? You don't have to save absolutely everything. Along with that, I'm trying to keep myself from feeling committed to finish any book series, video game, or TV series that doesn't really capture me. There are so many beautiful stories that will resonate with you, and there just isn't enough time to waste on stories that don't. I tend to try to see the best in creative works, and I have to remind myself that I don't have to like everything. And my not liking something isn't necessarily saying it's objectively bad, just not my cup of tea.

In terms of resentments and guilt, that's a lot harder to let go of. I've quarreled a lot with relatives in the last few years, finally having to block some truly toxic people. Ideally, you would be able to cut off toxic people without holding onto resentment, just forgive and let go (without letting them back in to cause more damage). But that's rarely the case. And for those people who have hurt you without meaning to? The ones you want to forgive and move on with? Maybe that's even harder. And perhaps worst of all, when you're holding onto anger with a person you are currently stuck living/dealing with. Someone you would cut off for good if you could, but life isn't perfect and you have to deal with people you don't like sometimes. And you feel you can't really let go of that anger because you have to continue guarding against them. But at the same time, that anger is killing you, not them. “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Ugh. So true. And yet that doesn't make it easier to let go. At least not for me.

Well, there you have it. I'm not sure I'm completely ready to let go of this year and move into a new one, especially knowing at least one bad thing January has in store. But I do feel like I've opened myself up more and given myself the opportunity to think deeply about all of this. Sometimes even I avoid feeling things if I can manage it. (I usually can't, but if I can... oh, man.) The year ahead scares me. But I encourage you all to follow your heart and intiution. To speak out against injustice. And to be kind. The world desperately needs it right now.
fireflys_locket: (Yuna Breathless - badlydrawnicons)
I haven't been writing. That happens. This time, it's because I've been devoting so much time to cleaning and organizing, which has been both physically and emotionally exhausting. I've found old notebooks, old journals, old pictures. I've felt myself falling back in time 10-11 years in seconds. I've also been playing Final Fantasy X HD, when I was playing the original game for the first time exactly 10 years ago. Sometimes, I find myself so deeply involved with the game that I start forgetting where I am. All of this is very bittersweet. It hurts. But it hurts so good. My heart is all over the place, and my head's thoroughly confused. I'm going back to old thought patterns, scolding myself like I used to.

Then, I breathe and remember it's 2014. That stuff's all behind me. (For better or worse.) And I like my life now. I love myself now. Yes, I'm still very lonely. But other than that, I'm doing exactly what I love to do. What I'm meant to do. If I keep to the path I'm travelling, I just need someone to share it with for everything to eventually be perfect. Still, I'm almost 25. And I don't feel like it. I feel younger than I did when I was a teenager. I am myself than ever, but am I really an adult? I'm dreading May, like every year. I'm trying to tell myself it can't be worse than turning  21 was. When I'm really not sure.

Ah, I can't wait until this cleaning is done. I want that mess far, far behind me. But there will still be lots to look through. This whole year might be dedicated more to revisiting the past than shaping the future. I don't know if that's good. But it has to be done. I just wish I could drop out of time completely for a while, to recover. But I feel like I'm haunting my own memories as much as they're haunting me.

A Post...

Oct. 25th, 2013 05:08 pm
fireflys_locket: (Fangirl Hachi - fireflys_locket)
In which I talk briefly about dealing with anxiety (and why it's never been a better time to be a nerd) and not so briefly about things that I love.

Hey, look: I'm posting again! And it hasn't been forever. I'm pretty proud of that. I really don't know why it's been so hard to come up with things to talk about this year. I mean, I have theories, but... well, that doesn't really matter. I'm here now. I was talking about social networks with Jill last night, and I was lamenting how LiveJournal really fell out of relevance for most people. But I love this place. Maybe all that's left now is nostalgia, but I don't care. This is where I post my thoughts, still. When I have something more than a tweet's worth of a thought.
I've reluctantly accepted Twitter as a worthwhile way to get small thoughts out. I didn't want to like it, but I do now.

So, this week hasn't been much to talk about. I went to the mall to get a book last Saturday, and there was some kind of mall event going on. I was only there about 15 minutes, but I've been exhausted since then. I seriously almost turned around and left right away when I saw all the people. I was emotionally exhausted all this week. I didn't get any writing done, save for just a paragraph or two last night. That how much that kind of thing affects me. But I know I'm not the only person who goes through that. People with high anxiety have good company, I think. That makes it suck just a teeny, tiny bit less. Occasionally.

I read a good post yesterday about what we think of as flaws not always being inherently bad. Everybody just works differently. If you embrace the things that are part of you and work with them, stuff usually turn out better than if you were fighting your own nature. I find that to be pretty true for me. Some weeks just don't work out writing-wise. Stressing about it just gets me in an even worse space for writing the next week. Knowing that helps, but it can still be hard accepting a "bad" week when everything was going so well. But I try. And when I"m dealing with anxiety or the exhaustion from it, I try my best to enjoy things I can do while recovering. (More on this later...)

There's a craft show this weekend I want to go to, which is always busy. So, I might be emotionally weary all next week, too. It happens. Things will come back together, though. Although I was not happy to see snow yesterday, I am kind of ready to not go out as much (which isn't a lot, as it is, but still). To snuggle up with my writing and reading and video games and Netflix all Winter. It's a really good time to be an introvert, guys. Or a nerd, or whatever you want to call it. There's just so much stuff you can enjoy at home by yourself. Or with people you're close with, if you're lucky enough to have some. Love stuff, by the way. It's fun to love stuff.

So, what kind of stuff am I loving right now? Well, the short answer is LOTS OF STUFF!!! I'm going to give you the long answer...

While I haven't been writing this week, I have been reading. After feeling so overwhelmed most of this year with "needing" to read writing from friends and acquaintances, I switched to reading some books I've been dying to read. I finished Mockingjay a couple of weeks ago. Wednesday, I finally started The Fault in Our Stars. Yes, the third John Green book I've bought, and I'm finally reading one! (I have sooo many books to read, gah.) Why did I wait so long to read this book? I'm already totally in love with it. And I pretty much knew I would be, from all the stuff I've heard about it on Tumblr or VlogBrothers. I even ordered a signed poster, because it was just so pretty. (The story behind the poster is cool, too.) Sometimes, you just know when you're really going enjoy something. And if you're like me... sometimes, you save that thing for when you really need it. Like I did on Wednesday. So, I'm glad I waited, in the end.

While I'm on the topic of VlogBrothers, I've been watching my way through HankGames videos (with and without Hank). I particularly enjoy watching Hank and Katherine play Super Mario Brothers Wii. They are my go-to videos right now. Along with - as always - catching up on Giant Bomb videos. These two sets of videos, more than anything, have been making my weeks more enjoyable lately.

I've been watching other stuff, too. I recently watched through Samurai Champloo on Netflix. I haven't started another show or season yet, but I've thinking either the second season of Dollhouse or the third season of Being Human will be next. Meanwhile, I've been rewatching The Vision of Escaflowne on DVD. (Did I ever tell you how much I love boys with wings? Like, seriously. Sparkly vampires are great and all, but give me ghosts or angels over them any day.) And I'm watching Degrassi and The Legend of Korra on TV. Neither is particularly thrilling me this season, but the way fans have abandoned both shows kind of scares me.

I've also been playing games. I got back into Skyrim this week. Finally started the Dawnguard stuff. And I've been playing lots of The Sims 2. Both games are go-tos for de-stressing. And they work just as well as ever, thank goodness. I've been all over the place with gaming for the last month. I can't even begin to list every game I've played a bit of. But yeah, gaming is fantastic, and I love it.

I don't necessarily love times when I'm not writing as much, but that's how I get to fit some of this other stuff in. I've gotten back to organizing and (with Joe's help) hung some posters. I even made an new icon post for the first time in about two years. So, yeah. I've been enjoying my time just fine by trying to focus on good things instead of the not-so-good. It can be hard, I know. Trust me, I know. But I'm mentioning these things, because I'm really grateful that they exist and I get to enjoy them.

And I want to thank Ben and his video for inspiring me to make this very long post, that no one will read. Hehe. I like looking back at my posts every once in a while, so this is for future me, mostly. This is what I've been up to and thinking. I love you, Gina (future me). I hope you're doing well, too. (And you have Morgan, if we're lucky!)
fireflys_locket: (Fangirl Hachi - fireflys_locket)
I haven't been writing much. However, I have been very focused on planning. Readying myself to finish Dreaming in Shadow and Miss Masquerade. Thinking about how I'll procede with the next versions. Trying to figure out which stories I'll start next. And lots of details in stories I'm planning out. Sometimes, it's hard to feel satisified with a week of just planning... but I also know, I've been really busy up in my head, not just with writing but with other things as well. And I've certainly been busy taking in inspiration!

Yesterday, I completed Titanic: Adventure Out of Time for the 5th or 6th time. What makes this time special is that I did it for the 100th anniversary. And I managed to do what I always wanted to do - save Georgia, while still getting off the boat with all the important objects. Every guide I can remember warned against trying to save Georgia, and you get no acknowledgement at the end of the game for doing so. But like with all the effort I spend in trying to keep followers alive in The Elder Scolls games, I feel good about it. In my world, Georgia and Carlson live happily ever after in this great world of peace.

Another thing I revisited last week was Firefly. It's only my second time watching it, and no, I didn't watch it while it was actually on, sorry. But man, I love that show. Spaceships really aren't my thing, but the characters in this show are awesome. And that's what makes me love a story. I felt even more sad this time that the show ended so short. But it made me think that I really need to get into some fanfiction. I don't read much of it these days, but this show seems perfect for it. It had so much potential. I'm not really sure where to start looking, though.

I've also begun a struggle the last couple of weeks of reading A Game of Thrones. I think I've had this book for about 5 years, on recommendation from Jill. But I've been ignoring it, because I had a feeling it would frustrate me. Maybe it sounds pathetic coming from a writer, but I really don't care for Adult Fantasy. (Or most Adult Fiction, in general.) I feel like it's often too focused on world-building details, instead of how the characters are feeling. Of course, that isn't limited to Adult Fantasy, as I've seen Spindle's End in the YA section, but I think it is more common. And like that book, I really do enjoy the characters in A Game of Thrones, but they often get lost in technical details. Also, the book has twice made me sick with gory descriptions. At least with a movie, I can look away if I see it coming, then it's gone. Books don't quite work that way.

Funnily, the author - like Robin McKinley - is apparently against fanfiction. I guess that's their right, but I don't really respect creators limiting fan expression, when it can actually do a lot to help their creations to be shared with others. As long as someone isn't making money off of your work without permission or claiming it as their own, I don't see what the problem is. I'm just glad my favorite author didn't limit my creativity while I was exploring writing for the first time with her world.

And speaking of that, I joined Pottermore. It's... okay. The interface isn't particularly great. However, the new information is worth the bit of hassle! Oh, Jo Rowling. <3 She just knew we needed more now that the movies are finished. And she has so much information to give! Nothing wrong with her world-building, since you can also feel close to Harry and his emotions. That's the perfect combination, if you ask me.

So far, I've enjoyed the questions, but not the result. Dragon heartstring wand. :/ I would never use that. Next, they'll put me in Slytherin. Though I'd actually mind that less. But it just reminds me of how I'd not be able to deal with Hogwarts if it were real. Turning beetles into buttons and cutting up animal bits for Potions. Sorry, I'll pass. I'll just stay at home and write about magic.

And that's just a portion of all the fandoms I've been into the past couple of weeks! For a more updated idea of what I'm into at any time you could follow me on Tumblr. I check in almost every night.
fireflys_locket: (Jamie Glances Over - fireflys_locket)
For some people, pushing themselves helps them to succeed. I've really never found this to be the case for me. Sure, a little pushing can yield a good result. Occasionally. But after pushing myself to write everyday in November, I came crashing down. I forced myself to write a special chapter on the night before Christmas, but other than that, I didn't get much else done in December. I was writing a lot of journal entries, but once I finished the theme I was following, I even stalled on that.

Here's what I have been doing. Yeah. I learned out how to make .gifs and just started getting crazy with it. Then, I made the very bright or very stupid decision to make some .gifs from A Walk to Remember, which is probably my favorite movie, but I never watch it, because it makes me cry so hard. I was just going to watch a few scenes... then, I was watching the whole thing. At the end, I found myself newly obsessed. And extremely depressed. But also, feeling the need to write. I watched it again the next day, made more .gifs, and put it away. Then, what happens the day after? I left ABC Family on after watching a movie, and eventually, A Walk to Remember comes on. At that point, I realized there must be some reason for this movie to be on my mind right now.

Or for me to be emotionally unstable. Because I'm also back to reading this book. I find myself able to read less and less at a time, as the couple keeps getting closer and closer. There's a part of me that wants to like them together, because they seem truly in love with each other, and I adore both of the characters. But instead, I find myself getting ill, like I was about to sleep with someone I didn't love. That's really the best way I can describe it. I have a problem, I know. :/

Last week, while dealing with all these emotions and a family upset, I ended up playing a lot of Sims 2. Like way too much. Pretty much the amount I played in the weeks back in 2005, when I first left school, and I was too depressed to do anything else. But I think by taking things slowly, with little to no pressure, I recovered. Then, Friday, I took the small bits of emotional writing I did over the couple of weeks and rewrote them in a better chapter. And I felt centered. Finally, I actually enjoyed writing again.

So, maybe I got a lot done in November, but I honestly think it was too much pressure for me. It took this long to enjoy writing again. Not to mention the emotions that had to get stirred up. But that's how it usually goes for me. If I have a writing crisis, it takes my emotions needing the release to make writing feel natural again. Because that's what it's supposed to be for me: a lovely, natural need. Like breathing.
fireflys_locket: (Hermione in Love - fireflys_locket)
So, I decided not to dress up this year. It's something I've been considering for awhile. And it isn't because I think I'm too old for Halloween. That's just silly. It's because last year, a guy rang the doorbell, and I answered it, thinking he was a kid. He didn't try to kidnap me or anything. He just tricked me into coming to the door, so he could grill me about voting. Not cool. Halloween is the only time I answered the door when I wasn't expecting someone, but he totally ruined it. Now, I know that it probably just sounds stupid to react this way, but I'm a person with extreme Social Anxiety. I can't handle this.

But after thinking about how Halloween was the only holiday I still enjoyed, I knew I had to do something special. Sims 2 photoshoots! YaY! So, maybe, I've now taken a "step backwards" into more introverted behaviour, but whatever. I'm just me, guys. I can't help it.

Anyways, my original idea - which I'm still planning to do - was to take pictures of Miss Masquerade characters wearing masks. But I was thinking about how I failed to finish a new Hate You, Hate Me chapter for Audry's birthday. And also, how I've always been jealous of authors, who have awesome banners for their fanfics. Well, I am jealous no more.

While I was making Draco and Hermione and their families, I also took some pictures just for fun. So, here's a little story for Draco/Hermione fans... or people, who can appreciate Harry Potter silliness. (But it's mostly just for Audry.)

Take a look? (Beware the silliness!) )
fireflys_locket: (Lightning Sky - inksmears)
Last weekend, I went to another Fall event. It was lovely. Small and enjoyable. I went mostly to see the author I mentioned in my post. She told me again to stay in touch, but I don't want to bother her with questions when I'm nowhere near publishing. But that's the weird thing. When I think about where I am in Dreaming in Shadow, the end doesn't seem so far away. I've come a long way since earlier this year, but I'm not so nervous about that. Well, not as nervous as I was. I think meeting someone, who has finished books in front of her, made me want to get there, too. I want to be a these lovely Fall events with books to sell. And L.K. said there's always room in her tent.

So, do I really want to be finished with Dreaming in Shadow? Yes, and no. I've been thinking about length lately. Comparing my two major stories of right now: Dreaming in Shadow and Miss Masquerade. Dreaming in Shadow is at 148 pages, and Miss Masquerade is at 140. But there are so many events coming for Miss Masquerade. It's probably only half done. Dreaming in Shadow... I'm starting to worry it is going to be too short. Part of the issue is that there's a stretch of time coming eventually, and I'm not sure how much of it I'll write. How much is worth writing.

I don't want Dreaming in Shadow to be short, but I also don't want it pointlessly lengthened. So, that's where I am with writing now. I'm only worrying about the end approaching too soon for that reason. Though, if I'm going to lengthen it, that will happen when I go to the typing phase, most likely. I just hope it doesn't turn out really, really short when I'm done. I don't know how written to typed translates.

Meanwhile, I've been continuing to make characters on Sims 2. I even got into pose boxes - which I never thought I'd try - because I was tired of the same 7 or so poses that the game provides. I was totally lost with them, at first. But I made a post asking for help. It still takes some experimenting, but the results can be so cool. Just to give a taste of what I've been doing...


Jodi of Dreaming in Shadow on her balcony.
fireflys_locket: (Pillow for Morgan - lovestruckicons)
I dreamed quite vividly last night. Mostly of Morgan. Now that I'm awake, I feel like my heart was carved out. I just want to go back to sleep where Morgan is real and with me. Awake, I'm just miserable and alone.

But maybe it's normal to feel miserable today.

I want to write something beautiful and poignant about today, but I don't know how. I feel exhausted by emotion. I wasn't personally affected by September 11th, though I think you'd have to be a pretty cold person to not be affected by it in some way. I think I do remember writing something on the 5th anniversary in my paper journal.

*Sighs*

Well, yesterday, I did have an interesting day. I went to a fall festival with Jan and Paul. I didn't have any money, which made me not want to bother with going, but I'm glad I did. I spotted a woman at a booth with lots of books and walked over, figuring she might be a self-published author. And indeed, I was right. It was really nice talking with her, though I feel like I was probably rambling too much. Anyways, I took a look at her site, and I think I'll order a book soon.

The festival was nice. We enjoyed the band that was playing. It was very muddy, but someone had an idea to wash off in a little water pool. Jan and I did it, and suddenly, a bunch of people came over to do it, too. HeH. It was kind of funny.

Before yesterday, I spent two days of mostly Sims 2. I've been making lots of characters. I even changed a couple of names around, which means I'll have to edit Miss Masquerade a bit. I found a decent hair for Destiny, too. I'd like to make her soon, but though I know her history, I don't have a full name for her. Hmm. Eventually, I will put up pictures of characters, but I'm not sure how much of an interest there would be at this point.

I feel like I should write today, but just writing this made me feel weak. :/
fireflys_locket: (Draco Focused - kelle)
...is tough.

After watching the Quick Look of L.A. Noire, I was sure I wanted to play the game. I bought it last week, but I was having trouble resetting my PSN password and didn't want to start the game in a bad mood. I think it was a good choice, too, since I'm having to do things I'm not very good at: driving and shooting. :/ Not really talents for me. If you didn't already know, I don't drive. I never even tried to learn. I have little driving knowledge more than what stoplights mean. My Mom says it's much easier to drive in real life. And I can't even do that. Imagine how I'm driving in the game...

Actually, I might be learning things about driving based on the game... that's a little scary. ^_^;

So, next are the shooting bits. I think the only shooting experience I've had is when I rented Dirge of Cerberus in 2006. Yeah. That's it. And I was horrible at that game, too. Anyways, I am actually able to take down people shooting at me. I'm learning. It's definitely not my favorite part of the game. And it makes me feel really bad when a body gets taken away in the side-quest cases, because I think if I was more skilled at shooting, it might not have gone quite so badly.  :/

I think I'm just awful at action games. There's so many controls to think about. Trying to get used to shooting and moving in and out of cover, then having to run all of the sudden is dizzying. I'm an RPG girl! I'm used to using one or two buttons to choose something on the screen. What am I doing? ~_~;

And actually, I'm not even doing that well at the detective work part of the game. I'm finding most of the clues, but I'm missing more than half of the questions. I guess I'm not good at reading people. (But that's something to mention... the people look so real. Seriously. The face animation in this game is beyond anything I've seen.) I guess I'm letting people off too easily. I usually choose Truth unless I have good evidence backing me up. Maybe I should be using Intuition more often. But I never know when to try that. I'm scared of using it up, then getting really stuck somewhere.

I'm really enjoying the game; I just feel like I'm an awful detective. :'( Some parts of the game have that spooky feel to the music and atmosphere as Titanic: Adventure Out of Time or the Nancy Drew games. But this time, I actually have a gun. It makes me feel a little braver... even if I'm really bad at shooting.

Other than playing L.A. Noire, I've been excitedly watching E3 stuff. The Nintendo Conference was saving the the most exciting for last... but Wii U?! Honestly? I didn't think they could make a more baffling name choice than Wii... but they did. I don't hate it or anything. It's just more weirdness.

As I side note, I redeemed my free PSN welcome back games. I got Little Big Planet, so I didn't have to find that disc if I ever wanted to play the original levels again. I also got inFamous... not sure if I'll do well with that game, either, but it seemed like the best choice. I guess we'll see. I also got LBP and ModNation Racers for the PSP, but I didn't realize how little space I had on my memory card. It's only 1GB to begin with.

I'm thinking about getting a 4 GB card for about $15 on Amazon. I have a card reader on my computer, so, hopefully, transferring my saves shouldn't be too hard. It does seem silly to end up paying money for free games, but I kind of wanted a portable LBP, anyways. And it's only $15. Though I actually have to wait to get it, because my Dad gambled away the $70 I loaned him. :/ No, I don't want to talk about that.
fireflys_locket: (Charlie's Stuck - fireflys_locket)
Writing went better this week. Thank goodness. I wrote 5 pages on Wednesday, and yesterday, I wrote a little over a page while I was having lunch with my Mom. I'm still in some sort of funk, though. I don't want to go to bed, and I don't want to get up in the morning. I hate this sort of feeling. It's hard to believe that I ever felt better about both things. *Sighs* At least, I'm writing a little bit, right?

I'm been playing a lot of Suikoden. It has twice now made me get a little teary over character deaths. I wasn't expecting that to be such a big part of the game. I guess it's a good reflection of real war. I'm enjoying the game a lot, though I reached some frustration recently with a one-on-one battle. They are so dependent on chance, it seems. I didn't mean to lose you, Pahn. :/ But I had no idea what I was doing.

Today, I had a bit of self-discovery in Persona 4. While I was watching the Endurance Run, I sort of got used to the way they were playing the game. When I starting to play the game for myself, I did make some different choices, but I stuck with the Charlie/Chie pairing. But today, I was social linking with Ayane (who they didn't meet, as they chose Drama over Band), and I realized I liked her best. I mean, I've been playing Charlie like me - or Morgan, if you'd rather - and honestly, Chie loves steak too much to be my girlfriend. I mean, I love her to death, but... not that way. And Ayane said, "There really is such a thing as true love..." the time I saw her after admitting our feelings. Aww. <3

Still, with the way I got really attached to Charlie/Chie while watching the Endurance Run, I'm surprised that I changed my opinion. I bet Protagonist/Ayane is the least popular pairing. Haha. Concerning other Persona 4 pairings, I think I kind of like Chie/Yukiko now, also. However, Kanji/Naoto, is still my first favorite, easily. I totally had a crush on Naoto when I thought she was a boy... okay, it was pretty obvious, but still. I wouldn't dare take her from Kanji in the game, though. :P I also like Teddy/Rise because they fit together perfectly in my mind; they often have similar reactions to things. And I can't seem to think of Yosuke with anyone other than Saki. He just seemed to care so much about her. That's pretty tragic, huh? *Sighs*

I'm so tempted to write a Persona 4 fic now. Ehehe. No one would read it, but... I sort of came up with the idea as I played. Charlie is dating Chie, but realizes he likes Ayane. Meanwhile, Chie struggles with feelings for Yukiko. I totally want to write that! Especially because I feel guilty for choosing to be with Ayane after already choosing Chie. I am not a cheater! :/ Why isn't there an option to have a long talk with Chie to break things off first? I know, I know. No one cares about these things except me.

You know, that reminds me of the trouble I was having with the Sparks family on The Sims 2 this week! Arinasa has three bolts for two different guys. She's already dating one of them, but she rolls wants for the other guy, and she is a Pleasure-Romance sim - the worst! I don't know what to do. :/ Normally, I let a sim do what their wants decide even if it is against what I want for them, but I have the future of the legacy to think about this time. The other guy is a Capp (so not an NPC), but I'm caring less and less about rules after being away from the challenge for so long. I just want to document a 10 Generation family, at this point.

I'm definitely going to need some input about what I should do about Arinasa's love troubles. Hopefully, the update will be up soon. I'm having the next chapter of The Only One looked over, so that could be up even sooner. And finally, I am going to try to rewrite the final currently posted chapter of Hate You, Hate Me by the end of the month. Wow, that's a lot of stuff. We'll see what happens!
fireflys_locket: (Show Me the Light (D/Hr) - bombottosa)
I'm disappointed in myself. I wrote all of one page this week. I didn't even bother showing it to Jill, yesterday. Not all weeks are good ones, but lately, I'd been doing so well. The pressure from Dreaming in Shadow still lingers with me, but I think it might be something else, too. I've been really depressed this week. I think it's hormones. :/ Even if I'm not normal, I still have symptoms, sometimes.

Also, Valentine's Day is fast approaching. Should I try to sleep through it again? Maybe, I'll only have depressing dreams, anyways. Maybe, there is no point. I don't know.

I've been playing a little of Suikoden the last couple of days. It's fun, and a little different. The art looks good, which makes me happy. Playing PSOne Final Fantasys is tough for me because of the art. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle the many characters that I guess you can pick up. I'll probably stick with a main party most of the way through.

I've also started my next online reading mission. I'm rereading the Draco/Hermione fic: You Gotta Breathe. It's kind of intense at the beginning; just a warning, in case you want to check it out. The author is working on the third fic in the series now. I only got part way through the second... I think that was around when I left school. Anyways, I'm thinking it will be joining my Favorite Fanworks List. And I'm hoping that daily reading will get me inspired again. Though - as usual - my problem is more a lack of motivation.

Degrassi tonight... still not excited. My Mom is way excited, though. *Sighs* It just looks like everything I care about on the show is about to fall apart. Is it that hard to believe that I'm not excited for that? Randomly, does anyone have a good name idea for J.T. and Liberty's baby? I'm sort of working on a fic relating to that, and I'm more excited for it than actual new Degrassi episodes. Yeah, I said it. :P

Maybe it will all turn around tonight... but I doubt it.
fireflys_locket: (Lightning Close - sharp_pastels)

I'm having a lot of depression the last few days. Okay, that's nothing new, but I'm having trouble writing. I guess I'm still upset over Dreaming in Shadow being more than half-way done. I had a good talk to Jill about it on Thursday, and I got a very caring email response from [livejournal.com profile] medleymisty , but I still can't seem to shake the upset feelings for more than a day or so. And now, it does seem to actually be to the point of keeping me from writing... and I wasn't even planning to work on Dreaming in Shadow this week. I guess I'm a little nervous about the next chapter of Miss Masquerade, too.

Last night, instead of working on MM, like I had planned, I just barely pulled myself out of a potentially bad panic attack. :/ There might be some other contributing factors to said close call, but I'm sure a lot of it is relating back to writing. And I guess I'm feeling pressure (though unintended) from friends, who are very excited about DiS moving along. I think [livejournal.com profile] medleymisty is the only person I know, who can relate to the combination of excitement and shear terror I've been feeling the past couple of weeks.

*Sighs* Well, anyways... after pretty much giving up on the idea of writing last night, I played Final Fantasy XIII for a few hours. It proved to be a pretty good distraction. On Saturday, I was at GameStop to preorder the Team Ico Collection, and I went ahead and preordered Final Fantasy XIII-2 as well. I should be done with XIII by then... hopefully. I think the only reason I haven't finished it yet is that the Summer fell apart, and I wasn't doing much of anything but trying to hang onto a ledge for dear life... for months. And now, I probably just relate Final Fantasy XIII to that time.

It's not the first time that has happened, either. At least I'm trying to work through that association this time. Who knows if I'll ever finish Final Fantasy VIII? I did buy it on PSN and start it up again. But that was awhile ago... and I only played a few hours. That does remind me, though. I hoping to try out some more older RPGs. I'm thinking the first Suikoden might be next. I have a couple of those games that I've barely tried, but I think I want to start at the beginning for some reason. We'll see how that goes.

And hey, new Degrassi this week. I'm really... not looking forward to it. :/ Oh, well.


fireflys_locket: (Charlie's Stuck - fireflys_locket)
The past few days I've been getting myself obsessed with the strange upcoming game from the Persona Team, Catherine. It’s about a man, who starts having nightmares about running up a tower while monsters chase him. On the other side, he is a “normal” guy, who is dealing with his relationships. It seems like there’s a lot of symbolism between his dreams and what happens in his waking life.

The guys at Giant Bomb did a Quick Look. which I've watched maybe 5 times. ^_^; When I get obsessive... But anyways, they didn't understand any of the Japanese, though so, I found someone, who did! Actually, before that, I looked at some other trailers and speculation. I mostly was excited by Vincent's cameo in P3P.

There are a few potential problems for me. There seems to be a distinct sexual side to the story… not sure how I feel about that part yet. I’m wondering how intense that will be in the game. Then, it might be a bit violent, too. It seems like it might be a game that reaches my limits in both aspects, but hopefully, it doesn't exceed them.

Meanwhile, there's a another problem in what the gameplay actually is: frantically moving blocks around to get up the tower before the monster gets you. I am not good at puzzle games. :/ This makes me really hope that Giant Bomb will consider an Endurance Run for the game. Please, please, please. The only fandom-type thing I want more than this right now is more NANA (either manga or anime). I think it would be a great mix between the Persona-style ER and the quirky "horror" of the Deadly Premonition ER.

Today, I also decided to rewatch Eden of the East. I wanted to watch the movies, but I felt like it had been awhile since I'd watched the series. The way too short 11 episodes series is pretty manageable for a quick rewatch. I'll watch the first movie tomorrow, probably. I'm really excited. I really love Eden of the East. Funny how I ended up watching it because of  one of the very things that would normally scare me off. And I was watching it the first time while I was watching the Endurance Run, and now I'm rewatching that as well. Crazy!
fireflys_locket: (Charlie's Stuck - fireflys_locket)
The last couple of days, I've been busy playing Little Big Planet 2. It's great fun, but there are some major connection problems. I've been playing with friends from Giant Bomb, which is really nice. I'm not used to having friends to play games with. When I got my PS3 and the first game, I would connect to people, who would yell at me with their mics. :/ It was kind of traumatizing for me. So, I didn't play LBP for very long after I got it.

Anyways, a couple of people on the GB chat told me they were playing the game and made me all excited to try it, too. It really seems fantastic... aside from those connection issues. I guess some people aren't having any problem, but I certainly am. One of the guys in the chat did let me know of a temporary fix: turn of the controller if you get stuck in a loading screen. It works, but sometimes only for less than a minute. *Sighs* I did get play a few levels with Pixel yesterday, at least.

I also made a couple of new friends on Home last week. Surprising, huh? I haven't met any decent people on there in a long time. Though I haven't been going there very much, so... I don't know. I'm glad I didn't completely give up on it, that's for sure.

And rounding off the video game related stuff: I decided to completely rewatch the Endurance Run, YaY! It's something I've been thinking about for awhile, but I finally decided to do it. It's just so enjoyable, and I want to give myself something I can look forward to every day (or nearly every day, depending). Degrassi reruns just aren't doing it for me anymore, especially since they only seem to want to play Season 7 up. What I'd really like is a new Endurance Run, but I'm not expecting another for a while still.

Random Tech Thing: Why hasn't the Last.fm detector been working lately? I hope it is getting fixed. I've gotten used to not typing songs for myself.
fireflys_locket: (Kagome Stupid Weather - fireflys_locket)
My Mom and I were going to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 yesterday, but the bulb on the projector died. It was going to be my 7th time, but ah, well... these things happen. We went to the Mall next, where I found a game I'd been thinking about getting (Shadow of the Colossus), but it didn't have a case or booklet. I'm really OCD about buying used games. I want everything. In decent condition, too. So, I didn't get it.

The day continued in a similar fashion. We had to backtrack around looking for my Mom's lost hedgehog earring, which turned out to be on the couch at home the whole time. Well, I can't say the same thing hasn't happened to me. I'm glad she found it.

There was more, too... but basically, it was a real bummer of a day. Nothing absolutely horrible happened, but I was still not feeling well. I had a little cry before we even left the house, when I finished off the NANA anime in English. I have to say, I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out. Now, I just want more. Maybe Ai Yazawa won't ever finish the manga, but there's plenty more left to animate! Please.

It's funny, though. In spite of yesterday being a total wash, I'm feeling pretty good today. Maybe because I've made it out of my 7 days of bad mood that started last Tuesday? Maybe yesterday was the end of it, and things will start getting better from here. Maybe the clouds are clearing.

Or maybe, I'm heading into more bad news? Haha. I guess we'll just have to see.

Heroine

Jan. 15th, 2011 08:09 pm
fireflys_locket: (Nobu/Hachi Could Be - fireflys_locket)

I'm still in a gaming mood. After reading a friend's blog post, I decided to download Secret of Mana. She barely mentions it, but I'd been meaning to give that series a shot, and she mentioned it as a classic. I also played about 4-5 hours of Persona 4 yesterday. Partly because I needed a really strong distraction. Today, the distraction is NANA. Still slowly working through the English dub, which is pretty good (I love Hachi's English voice! <3). But it's not what I'm used to with a show I've watched through so many times in Japanese. (Pixel probably wouldn't like being mentioned in the same paragraph as NANA. Oops! :P)

I'm taking a little break from Oblivion, but last time I played, I spent most of my time trying to save people. I couldn't let Baurus die! It only took a couple of tries, but I hadn't thought to save right before the incident, so I had to start through the sewers again the first time. Then, after I saved him, I accidentally came out in someone's basement and was stuck. ^_^; So, I had to do it again. My heart felt good, though. I kind of like being able to make a difference.

However, my next job as a heroine was much, much harder. Saving Jeelius from the Mythic Dawn was a headache. He was running around like crazy. I could hardly keep up with him most of the time. I'd turn a corner, and there he'd be... dead. *Sighs* But he was traumatized... it made sense. And I just couldn't let him die. So, I probably spent the better part of an hour trying to get him to safety. I'd gotten to the point where I was saving once we got through each wave. Then, I just took as much of the attention as I could. And I, again, felt quite good at the end.

But it got me thinking about one of the games I got recently, Heavy Rain. I know the whole story is based around your choices, and one person can have a very different experience than another. Also, I know it's possible that your main characters can even die, probably radically changing the outcome of the story. But am I going to be able to let that happen? And if I can't... isn't going back to redo parts almost defeating the point of a game like that? I don't know what I'm going to do. I guess I'll have to think about it carefully before I start the game.

...

You know, I think I have a saving people thing... Even now, even still. I haven't changed that much my whole life. I mean it's not a bad thing to want to save people (or characters...), but it was a huge problem for me when I was younger. It's why I fell in love with someone like Seth. I wanted to save him. And even now, I can even fall back into that through a dream. Of course, it would happen to someone like me.

I often have dreams about Seth where we're friends. Or... something. It's rarely romantic in the slightest, but it's more than something casual. Thursday night, I had a dream where I knelt next to his desk and started crying. He thought it was weird at first, but then, it seemed like he felt sorry for me and tried to make me laugh. I felt awful all the next day. That was only one part of a string of very strong dreams I had that night. I also found a friend's soulmate and introduced them, and I had a screaming fight with my Aunt Jan.

But it was Seth that I thought about all day. I thought about weird things like when my old psychiatrist came to career day at St. Joe's and while I went up to talk to him, Seth came over, too. I can still feel my surprise that hey knew each other. And at the time I thought... I don't know, that it was a sign or something that we had seen the same person for help, even if it wasn't at the same point in our lives. But now, I still think maybe I understood him in ways most of his friends couldn't. Ways he wouldn't realize. And then, I just worry about him still. I think that's why I was crying in the dream. Because I'm worried... and even more than that, I still feel guilty for not forgiving him when I had the chance. And in the end, I still want to save him.

*Sighs* I've lost so much time this week. I've been trying so hard to make up for the time I lost sitting in a waiting room for an hour on Tuesday, then today I slept in way too long. :/ Maybe, I tired myself out from all the effort of getting things back on track. Maybe I wanted to dream about Seth again. Dreams are just so strong for me, and it's the only way I can feel close to most of the people I care about.

...

ETA: I don't want to leave on such a low note, so here's a picture of me in my Whiskey Media shirt I received today! <3 I still hate that Ryan is throwing up (gross!), but hey, that's what I'd be doing on a real rollercoaster. And the shirt is really nice, otherwise; the material is super soft. ^_^

fireflys_locket: (Soul is Burning - _lisichka_)

Last post, I was nearly positive that Oblivion was getting traded in. Luckily, I made it out of the small area to the underground passage to the gatehouse. (I was looking for a house, okay?) However, I encountered more problems on my way to Bruma's temple. Any time I was caught on the main road by a guard, they tried to arrest me. o.o; After talking with Symphony (or PixelPrinny) and thinking about it for awhile, I decided it's because I either accidentally killed someone, who ran in front of me, or because I "broke into" someone's house, then left right away.

Anyways, avoiding the guards made the trip difficult. I tried navigating parallel to the road, but lost my fellow travelers in the process. Twice. Then, when I tried to move even more slowly and protect them from wolves, they got in front of me and were hit. Suddenly, I was being attacked. Eek! It was an accident, Martin, I swear. (I actually secretly am wishing there's a chance that my character will make him fall for her because that would be cute.  And I'll get to be an emperess... ) This also happened twice. And did I mention that when I made it up the mountain by myself a couple of times before realizing they were gone, I turned around just to fall off the mountain and die? Yeah, I know. I have no skills or something.

Finally, I just decided to go to jail and serve my time. It actually got me closer to the temple than I had ever gotten (with my team, at least). And speaking of people just appearing and mysterious accusations, I am now remembering that when I left the house that I didn't realize I wasn't supposed to go into, the horse I had borrowed from someone in Weynon Priory had just disappeared. I looked around for some time, all distressed thinking, "I have to return the horse, that someone had been so nice to loan me!". I only gave up when I remembered a very old HotSpot where Brad was complaining about how the horses don't build your Athletics trait or something. And besides, as much as I love horses, riding on one in first-person was making me way motion sick.

I've been trying to think of what Oblivion reminds me of, and I came up with a cross between World of Warcraft and Titanic: Adventure Out of Time. If you haven't played Titanic, it has to do with the way you're looking straight at people and picking dialogue choices. I imagine other first-person adventure games would be similar.

So, basically, seeing as I spent all this time complaining talking about the game, it must be keeping my interest enough to continue. I'll probably play some more after I dry my hair. (What am I doing writing an entry with my hair wet, anyways?) I'm forseeing a similiar run with this game as I had with WoW. The gameplay (though strange at times) is keeping me into it, but most of the story stuff is just passing over me. I don't think I get into this High Fantasy... if that's what you'd call it. This detailed stuff with all different races and wars and all that. It's just too much information for me to process or something. Too much far-off detailing loses me. Like with Spindle's End. If the detailing doesn't feel personal, I get bored. And I don't get bored often. But anyways, I like the main story and gameplay well enough for now. We'll see how it lasts! maybe I'll be thanking Brian for his recommendation after all; maybe I'll get Dragon Age, too.


fireflys_locket: (Colette Back Wings - carameltrap)
Colette is the closest thing I have to a Nintendo icon right now. And why do I need a Nintendo icon? Hehe. I got my Mario fan in the mail today! It's a Club Nintendo Reward, and I just had to have it!

Click here if you want to see it! )

Also, I'm giving Oblivion a try. I'm having very mixed feelings. Basically, I only find first person games tolerable if they are on the PC. Riding on the horse was making me super ill. And I'm even more lost than usual in games, which is really saying something. Does anyone know where I'm supposed to go to get the gate open? The dude, who's supposed to help me, dies everytime, and I can't even find his body to get the key, let alone find the place I need to get into. And then, there was the way too creepy-gross Oblivion place. I'm not sure how I got through that. :/

But there is something compelling enough to make me want to continue... somewhat. I like the way people move around and talk. It's a different sort of game for me. But it might be a little too different. :/ I'll give it another chance tomorrow, but that will probably be it. If I can't figure out where to go or get too sick, that will be the end. Back to JRPGs for me!
fireflys_locket: (Oh my stars! - fireflys_locket)
Yesterday, I finally got a chance to use my giftcards and money from Christmas. I got a lot of cool things, but I feel so guilty for spending so much in one go. I feel like my Dad. :/ I really don't regret any of the things I bought, but to buy so much at one time feels a lot like how my Dad spends money. Which I hate.

I bought some jewelry at Penny's, because I had a return. The stuff I bought was actually quite expensive, but it was super on sale. The check-out lady told me I saved something like $64. That's pretty impressive, though I would never have bought that stuff at full price. There was another great sale going on a Bath & Body Works. Lots of little bottles of stuff for $1-$3. It was great, though because I know that B&BW is mostly free of animal-derived ingredients, I didn't check a couple of labels until I got home. And somehow, they forgot to check out the air-fresheners I was buying for my Grandma, but I have to go back to the Mall on Tuesday to get Kingdom Hearts: Re:Coded, so going back won't be out of the way.

Speaking of games, I wasn't planning on it, but I ended up going to GameStop. ^_^; I bought the first Nancy Drew game, which was remastered for the anniversary or some such and Heavy Rain. I've been considering Heavy Rain for some time, because I love the idea of an interactive story. I am still worried that some parts will be too intense for me. :/ But I'm just too interested in the game to ignore it. I also bought another Sarah Dessen book at Borders. It was hardback, and I just couldn't resist. Another unplanned purchase. I feel so guilty! But as I said before... I don't think any of these things were bad choices.

Finally, we went to Walmart, where I had a giftcard, and I bought some movies: Nights in Rodante (which I'm hoping my Grandma will enjoy), Despicable Me, Wall.E, and Super Mario Brothers (which I know everyone other than me and like, one other person hates, but it was only $5, and I like it, so :P).

So, I spent almost  $200. Guilt, guilt, guilt. :/ Some of that was a donation to Club Pet, so that's a little better. But wow, so much money.

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